today means alot of things . It's the beginning of a new year and also the beginning of a new decade . This is probably the time where people make their new year's resolution . Saying this makes me to look back at the resolution I made back in January 2009 . In it , I said I would
this year I could say I was anti social . I tried to do things to get attention . I tried to do things so that people would care for me . In school , I'm always abandon by most friends , only 1 or 2 standing strong beside me , caring and comforting me . In church , I always expected to be cared and to be loved but somehow my instincts proved me wrong . I felt the same as I did in school . Emptiness , loneliness sorrow following me everywhere .
after awhile I got fed up and stopped going to church . Then SOS came along . In SOS , I did felt God's presence but only got a day . It was when Paul came to me and said that God knows what I'm feeling and he'll care for me because He loves me . Even though I felt happy and everything that God still loves me and that He's watching over me , I didn't do my quiet time and read the Bible . So after 1 month , I stopped going to church already .
and so we jump to December . Camp NEW ( that was the theme ) . It was the saturday before camp . Pastor Lin Perry was sharing about....honestly , I forgot HAHAHA . I wasn't listening so yeah . But it was at the end of his sermon where it really changed my life . He asked for anyone who has yet to receive the gift of the tongues and wants to , to step forward and touch his hand . Something made me bold to step in front . This is how it went . He asked us to take 3 long breaths . After the 1st long breath , he asked us to praise God in english . So we did that . After the 2nd long breath , he asked us to continue praising Him in english . After the 3rd and final breath , the breath that completely changed my life upside down , he asked us to praise God in a language we did not understand and just open our mouth and talk . I felt so unusually happy , complete , whole ( wtv u wanna call it ) when I did open my mouth and talk . Without realizing , I had been speaking in tougues!!
then in camp , pastor Lin Perry was talking about prophecy . In the first session Jeremy Tan spoke something which really helped me even more . He said that I've been very anti social throughout the year and he said that God is there and that he still cares for me . That very night , I started doing my quiet time , and thanking God for everything he has done for me . At the same time , I suddenly had this passion to pray . I felt like praying whenever I had the chance . So for the 1st time in 3 camps , I went for the morning prayer at 6 .
on the 2nd day of camp , I spoke a prophecy for Kar Kien . Not to say I'm proud of it or anything , but it did show that God was working through me and that actually help with my doubt about God . You see , in the past few camps , such as Bible Blast , SOS and such , I've always feel excited about doing things for God . But at the same time I always doubt that God wasn't with me . This time it was completely different however . This time God showed me that He was with me and that I could trust Him this time .
after camp , I constantly prayed and read the Bible which is something I don't normally do after camps , no matter how great and awesome that camp was . I am happy and proud that this is happening . I myself can see that God is slowly but surely changing my heart into the heart He wants in me . And another thing , it so happends that this year's camp's theme was NEW . So maybe God is really making a NEW Ivan .
so in 2010 , the only ONE resolution I'm making , is that I'll draw close to God . I want this year to be a turning point in my life . I want this year to be a year of crossroads and that whatever decisions I make will draw me closer to God .
- not curse
- be more patient
- do my quiet times more often
- able to learn more musical instruments - violin!!
- serve in 365 in at least ONE deparment
- attend church regularly including friday prayer meetings
- NEVER insult my friends or anyone else
- do my homework :P
- be more active in sports
- share the Good News to at least 5 people
- play less computer games
- not to be greedy
- not curse ( fail )
- be more patient ( quite successful )
- do my quiet times more often ( definite fail )
- able to learn more musical instruments - violin!! ( guaranteed fail )
- serve in 365 in at least ONE deparment ( fail )
- attend church regularly including friday prayer meetings ( fail )
- NEVER insult my friends or anyone else ( not quite )
- do my homework :P ( don't need to say also know fail adi )
- be more active in sports ( fail )
- share the Good News to at least 5 people ( pls lah , not even 1 fella )
- play less computer games ( u know the answer )
- not to be greedy( pass )
this year I could say I was anti social . I tried to do things to get attention . I tried to do things so that people would care for me . In school , I'm always abandon by most friends , only 1 or 2 standing strong beside me , caring and comforting me . In church , I always expected to be cared and to be loved but somehow my instincts proved me wrong . I felt the same as I did in school . Emptiness , loneliness sorrow following me everywhere .
after awhile I got fed up and stopped going to church . Then SOS came along . In SOS , I did felt God's presence but only got a day . It was when Paul came to me and said that God knows what I'm feeling and he'll care for me because He loves me . Even though I felt happy and everything that God still loves me and that He's watching over me , I didn't do my quiet time and read the Bible . So after 1 month , I stopped going to church already .
and so we jump to December . Camp NEW ( that was the theme ) . It was the saturday before camp . Pastor Lin Perry was sharing about....honestly , I forgot HAHAHA . I wasn't listening so yeah . But it was at the end of his sermon where it really changed my life . He asked for anyone who has yet to receive the gift of the tongues and wants to , to step forward and touch his hand . Something made me bold to step in front . This is how it went . He asked us to take 3 long breaths . After the 1st long breath , he asked us to praise God in english . So we did that . After the 2nd long breath , he asked us to continue praising Him in english . After the 3rd and final breath , the breath that completely changed my life upside down , he asked us to praise God in a language we did not understand and just open our mouth and talk . I felt so unusually happy , complete , whole ( wtv u wanna call it ) when I did open my mouth and talk . Without realizing , I had been speaking in tougues!!
then in camp , pastor Lin Perry was talking about prophecy . In the first session Jeremy Tan spoke something which really helped me even more . He said that I've been very anti social throughout the year and he said that God is there and that he still cares for me . That very night , I started doing my quiet time , and thanking God for everything he has done for me . At the same time , I suddenly had this passion to pray . I felt like praying whenever I had the chance . So for the 1st time in 3 camps , I went for the morning prayer at 6 .
on the 2nd day of camp , I spoke a prophecy for Kar Kien . Not to say I'm proud of it or anything , but it did show that God was working through me and that actually help with my doubt about God . You see , in the past few camps , such as Bible Blast , SOS and such , I've always feel excited about doing things for God . But at the same time I always doubt that God wasn't with me . This time it was completely different however . This time God showed me that He was with me and that I could trust Him this time .
after camp , I constantly prayed and read the Bible which is something I don't normally do after camps , no matter how great and awesome that camp was . I am happy and proud that this is happening . I myself can see that God is slowly but surely changing my heart into the heart He wants in me . And another thing , it so happends that this year's camp's theme was NEW . So maybe God is really making a NEW Ivan .
so in 2010 , the only ONE resolution I'm making , is that I'll draw close to God . I want this year to be a turning point in my life . I want this year to be a year of crossroads and that whatever decisions I make will draw me closer to God .
